Biblical Conflict Resolution

Biblical Conflict Resolution: Matthew 18:15-17

November 10, 2023

In contemporary American culture, it’s easy to complain, vent, gossip, criticize, slander, and even cancel another person because they offended us (or really for any reason). It’s easy because the canceling is done remotely via social media, group chats, etc. Worse yet, given the correct skill set or enough resources, we can multiply our own voice and cause by unleashing a swarm of BOTs to accomplish the same things in great numbers, all triggered by AI!

Biblically, if someone sins against us, we should first speak to him or her privately to air our grievance. Next, if the offense continues, we should take one or two along to speak privately with him or her again. If the person continues to sin against us, take it to the church (Matthew 18:15-17).

The authentic Christian community we aspire to at Hill Country Christian School of Austin requires we apply this biblical conflict resolution principle.

In our school policy called The Matthew 18 Principle, the application of Matthew 18:15-17 is generalized to apply to any offense, not just a response to sin.

1. If someone offends you, speak to them privately about it. If you resolve the offense, you’ve won over a brother or sister. According to Paul A. Kienel, former President of the Association of Christian Schools International (ASCI), this will solve the problem about 80% of the time.
2. If your first attempt fails, try again, accompanied by one or two friends. Paul A. Kienel suggests that 98% of interpersonal conflict would be solved after steps 1 and 2.
3. If the offense continues, take the matter to the school. This should be a rare occurrence!

How does this apply in a school environment?

• If a parent has an issue with a teacher, that parent shouldn’t air the issue in a group chat with other parents – he or she should first speak with the teacher directly and privately.
• If a student (in middle or high school) has a problem with a grade they received on an assignment, they should first speak directly and privately with the teacher.

80% of the time, this will solve the problem.

• If the problem remains unresolved, speak with the next level of authority; in these two cases, the relevant principal. 

98% of the time, this will solve the problem.

• If the problem persists, speak with the Head of School.
• Similarly, if a school administrator has a problem with a certain family, the administrator shouldn’t share it with other faculty or staff. He or she should share it with that family directly, or not at all.

Or, if a school board member has a problem with a teacher, he or she should speak with that teacher, then (if necessary) the principal. They should not first speak with the Head of School.

All of this should be undertaken with a spirit of humility (Philippians 2:3-4) and selfless love (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).

How vastly different is the biblical approach from contemporary culture? Biblical conflict resolution seeks direct and honest individual interaction with the goal of reconciliation, while secular culture seeks to divide, humiliate, and even crush anyone that causes offense, and “offense” is easily taken!

For me, the Matthew 18 Principle is much easier to discuss than to apply. I keep a stop sign in my office with Matthew 18:15-17 written on it to remind me to apply this important truth. If we embrace this ideal as a community, we will truly be stronger for it.

In Christ,

Dr. Jeff Marx, Head of School